Hey guys, sorry I couldn’t write sooner but I was busy with work and the holidays, it was also the end of a semester at university and I started training at the gym. So yeah, my plate was full of lots of exiting things to do (no this is not irony!).
I saw my gynecologist at the end of October and he told me everything was fine hormone-wise and so was my boyfriend. I was relieved at first but then all kinds of questions popped in my head. And there was a long silence in his office… For a second I got scared, I was really wondering what he was about to tell me… Still silence and then I asked, Is there anything to do? Do I need to take something? Do I need to go to a specialized clinic?
And he answered me that I needed to take 2 medications. You know the saying “do I need to draw you a picture?” Well he actually drew me how it worked. I was laughing with him but it helped me feel better about the whole situation. I joked with him saying this was serious stuff it there was steps to follow!
So I need to take a pregnancy test and make sure I’m not pregnant before I start that, so I did and of course it was negative but that wasn’t a surprise. Even after 105 days without periods, I knew I wasn’t pregnant. A part of my brain sometimes wonder if I could be the kind of person who would be featured in a show we have here called “Pregnant without knowing”. I know I’m stupid to think that but I know people that were like 2-3 months pregnant without noticing, I’m sure with me not having periods for a long time, I could forget to count or make tests but could I like not feel anything before the birth ?? I’m sure those girls are as normal as everybody else but it’s impressive that they didn’t feel a thing at all, didn’t realize anything….
So after the test, I need to take Medroxy, who’s a medication who’s inducing my periods. There is some side effects for some girls but I never had any. So that’s neat, I acutally know when my periods are going to happen. I take this for 5 days consecutively and within 5 days I have my periods. That first day of my periods is day 1 of my cycle. On day 3, I need to take Clomid, which is actually helping with the ovulation. And then on day 11th to 18th, I need to … I won’t draw you a picture for that one, you get it I’m sure! Haha! Then, I need to wait until day 35th (if I don’t have my periods) and make a pregnancy test and hope for the best. I can do that 4 times and see my gynecologist if it doesn’t work. In a way that’s so amazing to have 4 chances, I can actually know when I ovulate or think I do!
So I did one cycle of that and naturally (or with the help of the medication), for the first time in probably ten years I had my periods normally after 29 days. I was really sad at first because it meant again no baby. I was all alone in the bathroom and I looked at myself in the mirror and I asked myself, why, why again? I cried for about 10 minutes and then I thought, that’s it for now. We had 2 big announcement in my husband’s family, a wedding and an engagement so maybe life wanted to tell me that there was enough good news for the year. I can be sad but in a way, it’s nice that my cycle gets into place for once and I have other things to be happy for. It also means I can try again in 12 days not in 4 months! I can’t be mad at that even though I would have rather preferred being pregnant.
Ever since I saw my doctor in October I made a lot of changes in my lifestyle. I lost some weight and many people commented about that. I’ve never been losing weight like that before so even though I feel better, it’s like I didn’t believe it when people told me. I’ve always been the chubby friend, coworker, sister of everyone. Don’t get me wrong I am no Kate Moss now but a little thinner version of myself. I eat less carbs, more vegetables and I exercise regularly so I guess I do what I can to be healthier and losing weight was predictable but still I was surprised. My husband’s aunt cried with me and said that I couldn’t look that fabulous and not have babies somewhere along the way. We both started to laugh and it made me feel a little lighter. Having people to share tears or laughter is something I will always be something I cherish.
So here I am again, 2012 has passed and no baby in sight… I really hope 2013 is my year. I wish to every girl out there who is trying to have a baby that it happens, that motherhood comes to you and that whatever happens you don’t feel alone in the journey. I don’t know you personally but I understand.